I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Randomize
