I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
Randomize
