There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
