Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Randomize
