Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
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