So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
Randomize
