She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Randomize
