I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
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