we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
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