i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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