My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
Floor bacon is actually really good
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
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