only you would photoshop your dick
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
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