You don't have asthma, your pregnant
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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