Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
Edward fifth and chaser hands
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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