I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
