the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
Randomize
