Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
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