It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Randomize
