Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Randomize