Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
