That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Randomize
