you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
