you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
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