just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
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