is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Randomize
