I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
Randomize
