but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Randomize
