I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
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