My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
that's an acceptable place to lick
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
Randomize
