The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
I just forgot I was standing up.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
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