I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Randomize
