she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
Randomize
