I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Randomize
