I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
