last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
Damn victory sex feels great
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
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