this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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