You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
