Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
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