is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
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