I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Randomize