Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
