Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
