sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
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