The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
Randomize
