Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
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