You can't motorboat a personality
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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