I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
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