I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
I'm just crazy horny about you
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
