Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
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