I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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