Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Randomize
