I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
Randomize
