Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Randomize
