You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
