i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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