I just threw up on my dentist
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
Randomize
