ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
