Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
