I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
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