Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Randomize
