my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
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