Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
