We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Randomize
