i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
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