Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
