So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
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