yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
Randomize
