She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
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