I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
Randomize
