Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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