WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
Randomize
