I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
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