I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
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