He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
